I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
