fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
