I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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