I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
