i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
