Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
