just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
