would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
