bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
