Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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