after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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