i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
