that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
