Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
