So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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