his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
