If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
