oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
