...so i touched it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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