I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
