I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
