operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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