I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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