Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
