I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize