They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
