And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
