new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
