Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
