I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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