worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
