As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
