you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
