we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
