I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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