I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
