The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize