Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
this will be a night to untag.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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