So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
