but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize