I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
