Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
