Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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