JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
