Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
