No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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