yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Found the puke drawer
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
