I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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