Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
