i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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