look no pants
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the condom got lost in my hair
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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