You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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