She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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