And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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