shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
