I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
