Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
