Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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