idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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