i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish you could order shots online.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
