I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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