I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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