i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
