im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
