why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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