No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
