There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
