Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
