It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize