while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
