Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
