did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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