Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
