My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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