Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
