My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
