Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
