Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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