I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
