Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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